I love you, I can't tell you

I love you, don't have time to tell you.

I love you, don't know how to tell you.

I love you, don't have words to tell you.

But you know that I love you.

.

I miss you, am shy of telling you.

You don't know I crave for you.

You want to know, I can't let you.

But you know that I love you.

.

Beginning to end, unlike the trend,

I do love you, but I can't tell you.

When you are not here, look for you everywhere,

I do miss you, but I can't tell you.

.

If I am sun, you are sunshine,

M only a rhythm, you make me Devine,

M empty glass, you are the wine.

You know I am nothing without you.

.

I was a word, searching for existence

And you gave me meaning.

I was scared of nights and sleep,

But you taught me dreaming.

.

Every time I think of you,

I close my eyes and I am with you.

.

If you are not there,

I look for you every where

I look for you every where!!!

.

I am earth then you are the first rain

I am the track, you are the game.

.

Beginning to end, unlike the trend,

I do love you, but I can't tell you.

Note: This is for someone with whom I am as comfortable as I am with my mom and as naughty as I am with my sister.

To Aarchie,

Sometimes words loose meaning without music,

Sometimes words give life to music,

Here, I can't give you music, but words.

Words are mine, find your own music.

An Endless Poetry

Not all the things in our life are supposed to end

...................................................................

Mr. Change

This is not about the change that a bus conductor gives you, or the one you need. This is about the one that Mr. TIME brings in everyone's life.

Change is the law of nature and everything around is accounted to it. Time changes and along with it, everything else changes. This is the major change in me, who earlier used to argue that everything in this world can change but Akki will never. I earlier used to argue that people changes because they want to not because they have to, but now i realized that you want it or not, you cant fight against Mr. Change.

Now An anti-change person has finally changed and the credit goes to nothing.

From the roads of U.P. to metros of Delhi, I carried some rules (that are not meant to be broken), principles, restrictions and most important FRIENDs, and stuck with them but a single year in Tamil Nadu did a catastrophic effect on everything I had.

My friends, who always were my strengths don't know how and when became my weaknesses and it didn't end with this but it lead me to the dimension where I, myself became my priority. I am blessed with some awesome friends, who can do anything.... means anything for me(its proven.... and I know that many are gonna abuse me after reading this shit) who earlier were before my parents for me, for me, their happiness mattered before anyone else's, even before my parents(luckily my parents never objected) but now I am intentionally leaving no stone UN-turned to hurt 'em, it feels like they are no more with me and thus no one to me so i have to move on with my own life and parents. And why I should not? It is their fault that they set my expectations from the word friend at the level that I am unable to find a single new friend even if I get someone he/she has his/her parameters and restrictions (yes, you read it right, RESTRICTIONS) in friendship which do not go well with me. So here, even after having many faces around, I am alone. I have to wait for the time to come to meet bloody buddies to share whatever I have kept inside me, and when this wait goes long I feel bad...hmmm.... actually worst (This post might be the result of that bad feeling).

I am sorry guys.... I don't love you anymore, rather I hate you for the awesome-st time I spent with you.

Aakrisht, who once was your friend is now dead. And let the leftover live his life happily without you people.

Your kind support will never be ignored. Thank You.

Here are some interesting changes that appears in my life:

1) I started sleeping normally...means no more nocturnal-giri :) . No more late night maggi, tea or Arjun ke Parathe.

2) I started studying but only a night before exam.

3) I clean my room, myself. No more work for Aditi and Surabhi.

4) I wash my clothes without the help of Vinay, Sunny, Abhay, Karan, Neha, Surabhi or Saumya.

5) No more c****ms in my cupboard. Surabhi's mom will be happy as I followed her advice.

6) My enthusiasm and energy turned monotonous.

7) I started losing temper, but it is under control might be because of my John Cena personality. but trust me agar dimaag kharab hua, to no matter k pit jaau, kuch solid utha ke sir fod dunga fir JO HOGA DEKHA JAYEGA.

8) I no more take PANGA with faculties.

9) I am giving up(yes) on someone. Not because I am scared of failure (you know me) but because I again started hating myself. (reason you know)

10) I am no more a chocolate freak. I know you don't believe so listen, a classmate of mine brought me a chocolate from Germany, I kept it with me but didn't eat, it might be because I miss those who fight to share it with me.

11) I started doing something that I am not proud of. Whenever you guys forced me, I said NO but be happy as your absence did something that your presence failed to do.

12) I finally learnt how to miss people. :( (Missing you guys)

.

(Any other noticeable change will be updated sooner or later..... as I have deactivated my facebook account, will be in touch with you from here. Bye for now. Keep Smiling )

The Girl In Red

My desperation

Visible in my eyes, silent,

Appears, the girl in red.

The drizzle

All around, singing,

Conversations, silent.

Evaporating

Into the sky, waiting,

Coalace into clouds.

My fingers

Speaking to her skin, bare

Unhurried, unspoken.

My song

Searching tune, quivering,

Soundlessly, abysmally.

Yet the song,

Humming, of creation,

Of arrival and departures.

Painting landscapes

Inside her, deep,

Brushstokes, mine.

Someone reminded

Not always, poetry,

Is written, with words.

A Page Of My Diary: The Last Kiss

Yesterday night revived my memories of the time spent with her. Who is she? Only I, Saumya, Aarnav, Shael, Jiya and of course she, herself know.

That time Jiya was nowhere in the frame and she was the one whom I considered the second girl of my life, of course first one is Saumya.

The Last Kiss doesn't literally mean the last one, but with someone I really care about, and YES it was the last kiss with her.

It was so smooth and divine that made me feel thirst and satisfaction at the same time.

I happened almost a year and half ago but i still feel the smoothness of her lips, eternity of her touch.

It was Aug 29, 2009, she called me to the Mc D. at CP and as usual I was late. But when i reached there, i searched for her, i was dying to get one glimpse of her. What an alluring sight when she came before me, it was the first time when i saw her in Indian attires, in white suit with aqua shades.

There I did the thing that i usually do not, i.e. I kept silent, and so she was. I was not even looking at her.

"Lets eat something." She asked and I nodded in reply.

She then took the same thing that we used to had.

"So wassup?" Finally, she broke the silence.

You tell how are you? I backfired.

"Cant we have the same relationship that we earlier had?" She asked.

It turned into NO ANSWERS ONLY QUESTION ARENA.

See, whatever happened between us cant be truncated or roll-backed. I replied.

"So what? we can continue with the relationship as THAT thing never happened."

It can be easy for you, but for me its impossible as am having few rules to drive my life. I retaliated.

"Cant you compromise with your rules for my sake? On that very day i told you that i cant afford loosing you, breaking up with you will seriously break me down. You are the only friend of mine with whom i can share up to everything atleast i dont want to loose you as a friend of mine."

You know me, I cant. I replied and again switched to silent mode.

She then said millions of words but got nothing in reply.

"Okay, lets move." She finally said.

We then started walking towards Rajiv Chowk Metro Station and then headed towards VishwaVidyalaya.

"Do you love me?" She asked, breaking the silence.

Of course I do. I replied.

"Then why are you doing this and making things complicated." She said. One can easily noticed that she was about to cry, and that was making me feel guilty.

I always wanted to be the reason behind her smile and i actually was but later i turned into the reason for her tears.

I too wanted to cry, didnt know why. Because of guilt or because of her. But i didnt.

I love you and will love you forever, but you know that i cant love you more than i love Aarnav, Saumya and Shael." I tried to explain.

"I know this and do respect the friendship you people share. And i'll never bother even if their is any other name. I just want to be in your life atleast in the same manner i was."

You know I love you. I asked and she nodded in reply.

And seriously there is no place for love in my life. I continued.

"You love me and dont want me in your life.... huh.... better you should have said me NO. Why are you doing this to me?" She said and started crying.

Other passengers around were staring me as if i committed any crime.

"Everyone wants love and to be loved in life, why are you running away from it?" She continued.

I wanted to wipe her tears but restricted myself touching her.

Next station was VishwaVidyalaya, there we alight the train and came out of the station.

"Can we sit for sometime." I asked and then we sat on a bench under a tree.

After half an hour she broke silence and said that she was getting late and wanted to go.

I stood up and looked for an auto around.

She started stepping towards the auto but i called her back. I just wanted to kiss her last time and luckily she wanted the same.

Dont remember how but we started kissing. It was the best kiss i have ever had and it still is.

I loved the warmth, i loved the way she hugged me and loved her for every damn reason.

She Finally addressed me some golden words," I JUST WANT TO HATE YOU, BUT I CANT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."

Then she stepped towards auto and I towards metro.

No one around cared about what happened because they were busy with the girls with them and vice versa.

We still talk with each other, once in a week or two and yes i havent met her after that day except 3 unconditional meetings.

It was my first (hopefully) encounter with love but FORTUNATELY i defeated love and threw it out from my life..

I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

(Copied stuff)

The Warrior And The Battleground

The warrior dressed up

teamed up sensed up

and reached the spot

Then the battleground told him all

It showed him both the stalls

All the words that mortal said

All the words that martyrs said.

One fought for his pride and

one fought for his life.

It showed warrior all the corners

blood n bodies of friends former.

Wounds are lyk dey cn never heal

and asked the warrior,"How it feels?"

It showed the warrior, his family's glimpse

which reminded him, his father's tips

"Never fight without the reason

And never give up in any condition"

The ground said him in gentle words

he had to opt among two worlds.

World of life without a wound

or brutal death in battle ground

He thought a while nd held his arms

Ran towards d ground to hold his spawn

He replied,"Let the fight goes on.

I'll fight n fight, dusk to dawn"

Finally he looked at the ground and said

"I'll stop nly if i win or shot dead.

For me dere are nly two doors'

Either u r going to b mine forever

Or I am going to be your's"

(Its all abt a man, his ambition, his pathway, difficulties and his determination)